Chapter 1: Goodbye Little Star
A realm where time collapses, memories shatter, and the weight of guilt echoes through the void—can you hear the whispers?
In the almost eerie confines of the in-between realms, the passage of time is an elusive concept, a fluid river that defies the laws of the corporeal world. Within this twilight realm, the ticking of the clock takes on a surreal cadence.
At times, it feels as though you have been encased in this sterile hospital bed for an eternity. Your body, a vessel of ceaseless discomfort, yearns for motion, to escape the shackles of tubes and wires strung across your body. Laying ensnared in the stillness and suspended animation, as if the world around you has succumbed to a profound hush.
Yet, there are moments when the sensation of arrival overtakes you, as if you have only just been thrusted into this somber realm, mere hours or minutes ago. The disorienting shifts between these contrasting perceptions of time have warped your understanding of reality, leaving you grappling with the very essence of your existence.
In the hazy interplay of your consciousness, you oscillate, fading in and out of what the human realm perceives as reality. Memories, a mosaic of fractured images. Recalling the early days of your life, basking in the tender embrace of your parents' love and laughter, those moments of pristine innocence and joy.
But now, that radiant tapestry of life has unraveled, and your most vivid memory is an unrelenting nightmare. Bloodcurdling screams reverberate through the corridors of your memory, etching themselves into the very core of your being. The shrill, haunting cries have etched themselves into your soul, an indelible mark that refuses to fade, a chilling symphony that pierces the confines of your thoughts and haunts the recesses of your subconscious mind.
This place was called The Grey Zone, at least that’s what the Beings here told you. A realm betwixt dreams and reality. Whispers echo in this place, you hear them telling you something is coming. You find yourself wondering what that even means?
Among the myriad enigmas in the Grey Zone, a peculiar and ethereal presence prevails. It’s not a place shrouded in dread, but one bathed in mystique. As you float between dreams and reality, you find yourself accompanied by mist-like Beings radiating in their luminous aura. They are gentle and seem to move as extensions of the mist itself, their forms ever-shifting and transient. In their presence, you feel a weightless serenity. As if they carry you beyond the confines of your earthly existence, offering a higher perspective that transcends the physical and the mundane.
They impart a profound sense of understanding existing outside the boundaries of time and space. In their presence, drawn into the Grey-Zone where the lines between past, present, and future, become a single blur. While you may not comprehend their purpose or their origin, the Beings bring a sense of solace, perhaps the guardians of this mysterious realm. Navigating the enigmatic waters of the Grey Zone, their presence reminds you that there is beauty even in the midst of profound sorrow, and that there is a deeper connection that transcends the world you once knew.
Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep.
You turn your head to look behind you questioning, what was that noise? The haunting sounds of life-sustaining machines brings you back. Hearing the sound of the heart monitor and breathing machines in the background, tubes and wires going in and out of your body, bringing your consciousness back. Your life force is being sustained by the machines while you’re floating in your body and all around. Not here nor there, an omnipresent specter of what once was.
You hear your Fathers voice coming from nearby. He’s talking with the doctor about the accident, “It’s all my fault, she had so much life to live, and I took it all from her.”
You feel his rough working hands touch your arm.
You’ve visited your father in the ethereal planes, you’ve watched him breakdown over time, again and again and again. Unable to truly connect with him and bring light to his darkness, your father's pain runs deeper than words can express. He hasn't been the same since that fateful day. The accident took its toll on him, unraveling the once vibrant man he used to be.
You watched him as he began to drown in his own suffering, his days transformed into an endless darkness, to never escape.
His fate, sealed.
You watched your mother try to hold their family together through the ordeal, but father's despair became an impenetrable wall. He couldn't see the light anymore, lost in the shadows of his guilt and sorrow. Their once-unshakable bond crumbled beneath the weight of tragedy, and your mother, unable to reach him, felt she had no choice but to leave.
Her fate, sealed.
Your Father begins to sob; breaking your trace within a trance. You wish you could wake up, be there with him, tell him that everything’s going to be okay . . .
Your Father leans over, you feel the warmth of his breath and the smell of his cologne; he smells like home. “Baby, I don’t know if you can hear me. . .” he murmurs, voice quivering, “but I am so sorry. . . this just, it’s. . .”
His voice shakes, broken and sad; you can hear his tears, “This isn’t living life, and you deserved so much more than this. It’s selfish of me to keep you here. It’s time to go. It’s time to let you go. If you can hear me, if you’re still inside there . . . you’re always going to be my Little Star. Daddy loves you.”
His warm lips kiss your forehead as tears fall onto your face; you can feel their warmth turning cold and sliding down your cheeks, trickling into your ear, a melancholy river of his sorrow. His hands grasp yours as he rests his head on your chest. Listening to your heartbeat and shallow breathing, fading.
Your fate, sealed.
You reply, knowing that your Father will never hear your words, “I understand, Father; it’s okay to let me go. You don’t need to carry this burden on your shoulders; it wasn’t your fault. You never could’ve known. I’ll love you always and forever. . .”
The hair stands up on the back of your Father’s neck; he swore he felt a soft kiss on his cheek. His trembling hand reaches up, searching for the warm imprint, he thought to himself, be free, my Little Star.
The sounds of the breathing machines keeping you alive shut down, the heart monitor slowly zeros out, and you hear a long, drawn-out beep. The cacophony of life-sustaining machines fades to silence.